How To Stop A Child From Hitting?

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Knowing how to stop kids from hitting, biting, or kicking their peers and others helps the parents control this unwanted behavior early. Unfortunately, hitting others is a common unpleasant behavior found in various stages of childhood, and many children may continue it even though parents discipline them. However, pediatric psychologists advise parents to keep calm and understand it as a poor way for young children to communicate their feelings. You may seek medical care to look for any underlying reasons if they do this in later childhood.

Read this post to know how to stop a kid from hitting, biting, or kicking peers and parents.

Why Do Children Hit?

Children might show acts of physical aggression to communicate their feelings. This could also be a part of their general development. Some reasons why children might hit include the following:

• Physical aggression, such as biting, punching, throwing tantrums, etc., could express their anger and sadness, or it might indicate that they are unable to communicate their concerns. For example, when your child has lost a game, or things do not go as planned, they may turn aggressive (1)
  

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Research finds

Aggressive behaviors and temper tantrums, such as throwing things, hitting, and screaming, are most common in children between two to three years (11).

• In younger children, hitting someone may be due to a lack of self-control, understanding that hitting someone is wrong, an inability to process feelings, or a desire to test limits (2).

• A child may also hit their siblings or others for showing their power and domination over others (3).

Sometimes, unfavorable events during childhood can cause a mental scar, leading to aggression and violent behavior. They include (4):

• Victim of physical abuse, sexual abuse, or bullying.

• Exposure to violence at home, in the community, or through the media.
  

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• Stressful family socioeconomic variables, including poverty, extreme deprivation, divorce, single parenting, unemployment, and lack of extended family support.

Sometimes, there can be a neuropsychiatry reason for the aggressive behavior of children.

Disorders, including attention deficit hyperactivity syndrome (ADHD), autismⁱA neurological and developmental disorder that may impact the way they socially interact, communicate, and learning , subnormal intelligence, head injury, rage attacks or episodic controls, and confusion, may cause aggressive behavior in a child to hit or bite someone or throw tantrums. Also, neurometabolic diseasesⁱA group of conditions that cause problems with metabolism and brain function. , such as Wilson diseaseⁱA genetic disorder characterized by the deposition of excess copper in vital organs such as the eyes, brain, and liver. and Huntington's diseaseⁱA progressive brain disorder that may occur due to faulty genes. , can result in aggressive behavior in children (5).

A community sample study examined the relationship between language and temper tantrums, and the graph below depicts the results. The findings highlight that late-talking toddlers between 24 and 30 months had significantly higher temper tantrum scores than the same-age toddlers who were not late talkers. These results suggest that a toddler’s ability to express themselves relates to temper tantrums.

Relation between late talking and temper tantrums

How To Stop A Child From Hitting?

Here are some behavioral management strategies that could be helpful in preventing a child from hitting:

1. Act early: Observing your child’s behavior can be helpful to act early. Intervene when you think your child is about to hit someone (3).

2. Tell it is not okay to hit: Telling them that hitting someone is not good and talking about it beforehand will help them anticipate how they’ll feel. This way, they will understand when things don’t go as planned (1). You can also show them “gentle touch”, especially to a young child who cannot understand.
   

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3. Plan one-on-one time: This helps build a positive child-parent relationship where a child gets comfortable talking to you about their problem (6). It is an effective strategy if your child is bullied at school or is a victim of physical or sexual abuse (7).

4. Establish rules: Consider teaching household rules, such as respecting others and not allowing physical violence or abuse (biting, kicking, hitting) at home to help deter such behavior (8).

5. 5. Use consequences to enforce rules: Using some methods to educate your child on the consequences of their actions can reinforce responsibility and nurture good behavior. For instance, if your child continues to hit, taking away their privileges (end of playtime) can provide them with a warning and an opportunity to change their behavior. On the other hand, praising positive behavior, appreciating and rewarding children for their good behavior will further encourage them (6).
      

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6. Responding at the moment: Behavior experts suggest that if a child is hitting and throwing tantrums for a specific reason or thing, remaining calm and refraining from giving it will teach a child that such behavior is not acceptable (7) . If the child is older, the parent may have to physically restrain the child by holding them but without hurting them. Sharing his methods of dealing with such a situation, Tom Hobson, a preschool teacher with 20 years of experience, says, “I’ve found that a gentle arm around the waist usually works, but will firmly hold an arm if a child is trying to get away (i).”

7. Welcome the meltdown: Do not try to reason with a child when they are upset or angry. Try to empathize with them and acknowledge their feelings and validate their reasoning. You can talk and reason with them once their anger subsides (7).

8. Using alternative behaviors: When your child is about to hit someone, you can dissuade your youngster or communicate with them to teach them alternative ways to resolve their conflicts (8).

9. Do not beat your child: Hitting and scolding the child will encourage them to use aggressive behavior. Toddlers and young children mimic an elder’s actions and behaviors (3).

Hobson adds, “There are many (parents) who don’t consider the process complete without a formal apology. I won’t go into why I’m not a fan of the artificial adult-sponsored “I’m sorry.” An apology that is offered merely out of social convention, rather than out of genuine remorse, just doesn’t sit well with me.”

Expert says

Elizabeth Gershoff, a professor and expert on the effects of corporal punishment on children, states that physical punishments, such as spanking, may make a child to follow their parent’s wish for the moment. However, it may harm the child (12).

10. Seek professional help: Parents should seek counsel from a psychiatrist or other mental health specialist experienced in examining and treating behavioral issues in young children if their child has persistent aggressive conduct and poor social skills (3).
    

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11. Join parent training programs: These programs are intended to improve and strengthen the parent–child relationship while also attempting to enhance the parent’s skills to manage a child’s negative behavior. The programs are directed by psychologists and social workers and are evidence-based, through rigorous studies, and proved to be effective for many families (7).

12. Use medications: Medications are sometimes combined with behavioral therapy, particularly if a child has an underlying disorder. In children with developmental disabilities, certain drugs, including anticonvulsantsⁱDrugs that help prevent seizures by normalizing the way nerve impulses work. , antidepressants, or beta-blocking agentsⁱPrescription-only medicines that work on decreasing cardiac activity to help manage several cardiovascular issues. , could control their aggressive behaviors (5).

Infographic: Things To Do When A Child Has Cooled Down After A Tantrum

Now that your child has calmed down after a mini explosion, you can heave a sigh of relief that the worst is over. In addition, you can use this time to teach them some valuable lessons. Go through the infographic below to learn the best ways to handle your child after a tantrum.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Are you worried that your child is pinching, hitting, biting, scratching, and throwing things to express themselves? Help your child learn better ways to express their emotions with this video.

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Dr. Neha Bhave SalankarMD

Dr. Neha Bhave Salankar is a consultant psychiatrist at Bhave Institute of Mental Health based in Nagpur and has around 11 years of experience in the field. Having been a meritorious student throughout, she bagged the prestigious gold medal for medicine in MBBS and MD psychiatry.

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Dr. Ritika ShahBDS, CLC

Dr. Ritika Shah is a certified lactation counsellor (CLC) from iNational Health Care Academy, Singapore and a dental surgeon with more than seven years of clinical experience across various cities in India. She did her graduation in Dentistry from KM Shah Dental College.

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Apoorva is a certified psychological counselor and NLP practitioner. The assistant professor-turned-writer believes that her experience as a teacher, psychologist, and researcher enables her to guide MomJunction readers on child development and mental health.

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